Sticky situation…

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. What to do? What to do? You see, I read a letter today that instantly provoked a million thoughts. My dilemma now is that I can’t write about it because my friend said it was off-limits. Seriously? Why not!? It’s my opinion and thoughts anyways, right!?  Should I respect his feelings?  I am amused but at the same time really annoyed.

I knew the day I decided to start writing that I would encounter these sticky situations. I just never thought it would be so often. It’s not the first time I’ve been asked not to rant about something.  I shouldn’t be limited or limit myself to anything I write, right!? 

I like to write on my terms and not when people say it’s O.K.  I will respect my friend’s wishes this one time only because I promised myself that I wasn’t going to hold back anymore.  Enough is enough!

What are your thoughts?

Until next time.. Ciao

Doubt

I’ve learned that when something is eating me up inside that I have to face the issue head on. It’s not always the easiest questions to ask but I rather ask then stay with doubt. Doubt ruins everything…wouldn’t you agree?

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.

Today, I asked a dear friend some tough questions, I just needed to look into his eyes and get his reaction. It wasn’t easy, to be honest. I didn’t think about the consequences of knowing the truth. I didn’t care. I just needed to know even if that meant having my heart-broken. I rather be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie because the truth hurts only once but a lie every time you remember it.

There is no room in my garden of orchids, for seeds of doubt.

Peace & Love xox

Friendships…

It never seems to amaze me that some people don’t know the meaning of FRIENDSHIP.  I’m pretty sure I have already ranted on this subject in my earlier blogs but that’s O.K. I will continue the rant. 😉

Friendship isn’t a big thing it’s a million little things.

True friendship isn’t about being there when it’s convenient, it’s about being there when it’s not.

You have probably heard these statements before and for me they are both true. The doors of friendship swings both ways.  It is not a one way street.  I’m not saying that if you have a best friend you need to talk to them 24/7 – 7 days a week, but at least make the time to catch up during the week.  My best friend and I don’t talk on the phone everyday but we do text often and once a week (if we can) we meet up for girl time gossip/catch up.   We are both our own person and we say what’s on our mind even if we disagree with each other. 

I don’t know about you, but I rather a friend who is her own person and speaks what’s in her heart oppose to a friend that only agrees with me.  If I wanted to talk to myself all I have to do is look in the mirror.   You need a friend who is going to give you a different perspective on things.  When you listen with an open mind and hold no judgements you can take in whatever they say and see it from their point of view even if you disagree.  No need to get upset and storm off like a child. 

My best friend and I have been friends for almost 19 yrs.  Amazing, right!?  I can tell you that we are completely different in many ways but that’s the magic of it.  She knows I’m flawed and I know she’s flawed.  We are not perfect and sometimes we may say things that may hurt but if you have a solid friendship you can be honest and speak up. 

I’ve had other friendships in the past that I thought were meaningful and sincere but years later I found out that those people were false friends.  It hurt at the moment but then everything became crystal clear.  I don’t hate them but I don’t care about them either.  Feelings change, memories don’t.  I will always look back and laugh at the good times. #smiling 

At the end of the day, you know deep inside who your true friends are.  If you have a true friend, cherish them because once you lose them you will never get them back.

Until later..

Peace & Love xox

The desire of knowing…

Have you ever met someone who completely intrigued you?  Someone that you just wanted to get to know better on an intellectual level?  Well, I met that someone a few months ago.  There was just something about him.  Perhaps it was his view on life and his ability to read people {so he says} that made him more interesting.  I’m not going to lie, I was definitely curious.  I wanted to pick his brain.

There’s an old proverb that goes, “Curiosity kills the cat.”  So, I’ve been told… Well, there is nothing wrong with having the desire to know.   It’s a natural instinct in all of us.   When you meet a person for the first time, you have to get to know them first before you can consider them a friend, right!?   Your desire of knowing takes you down a path full of questions that once answered you will then determine the outcome.

A week ago, I had the pleasure of hanging out with him.  Here, then, is what I learned.

• His words speak louder than his actions.
• Nothing is as it seems.
• Completely misleading.

During the course of our conversation, we tackled many subjects. Some interesting, and others not so much.   At one point, I asked him if he had read any of my blogs.  He didn’t know I had one and I gave him some brief details and the reason why I started it.  He then said, “This is the most interesting thing you’ve said so far.”  At first, I just laughed and continued ranting on about whatever  I was talking about but now that it dawns on me. “WOW, I’m the asshole”. – HA!  {I’m still laughing…} 😉 😉   It’s simply remarkable the people you come across these days.  No hard feelings!

I can honestly tell you, I don’t regret meeting my new friend.  I learned a few valuable lessons and for that I’m thankful. 😉

“Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with.”

Peace & Love xox

When people expect you to love them a certain way…

A friend suggested the following discussion:  I’m having a dear abbey moment…

When people expect you to love them a certain way. For example, I show my love by giving gifts, or inviting people out for dinner, yet I have a friend that got upset at me recently because I didn’t hang out with her even though I gave her an extravagant gift. (are those 2 separate topics). I told her that you can’t expect people to love you the way you WANT them to but rather the only why that they know how.

Dear Friend,

Although the extravagant gift was a nice gesture your friend wanted your company more. Was it a special occasion? Birthday? If yes, than that’s why she was upset.  If no, maybe she just wanted some girl time. 😉  Gifts are fantastic but you have to remember that not everyone cares about material things. Sometimes its the small details that matter most.  ie. hanging out, a phone call, and sometimes a simple, thank you.

There is no right or wrong way to show love to anyone.  Love is a feeling that can’t be described, it can only be felt.  You show your love with gifts because that’s the way YOU are but not everyone is the same.  I know exactly how you and your friend have felt.  I’ve experienced both ends of a similar situation.  It’s only natural.  Think about a time where you expected something and it was the complete opposite.  How did you feel?  Upset? Disappointed? Hurt? (Not only in regards to showing love but in general.)  Are you thinking about it?…   It’s the same thing!

At the end of the day…

Your point is valid~ people can’t expect to be loved the way they want.  Your friend needs to accept you the way you are and know that just because you don’t love her the way she wants, it doesn’t mean you don’t love her with everything you got. Everyone is different!  That is what makes us unique~ 

No one is perfect and it’s simply human nature to expect to be treated a certain way, expect to be loved a certain way, expect, expect, expect — what we all need to learn is how to accept, accept, accept, people as they are!  Very to easy to say but hard to practice.

Hope your friend is no longer upset and will learn to accept you the way you are.

Don’t stress it.

Peace and Love xoxo

 

 

 

 

Where do you draw the line?…

Loyalty vs Blind loyalty / Perception vs Delivery  {My interpretation only in relation to the topic of Friendships}

Loyalty – A feeling or attitude of devoted attachment and affection. Do you have loyalty to some friends or all of them?  ‘if all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn’t follow, I’d be at the  bottom to catch them when they fall”.  I don’t have to do everything my friend does but just be there for support.  Loyalty is a virtue.

Blind loyalty – definitely hard to explain but think about it for a minute.  Do you have any friends that have asked you to follow them in everything they do without questioning it first?  For instance, your friend tells you to jump off the bridge and you do it.  Your friend tells you to dislike another person and you do.   Have you ever been put in this position? Have you given up your personal morals, value or ethics?

Felix Frankfurter, the Supreme Court Justice, perhaps said it best: “Those who begin cohersive elimination of dissent soon find themselves exterminating dissenters. Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard.”

There is nothing wrong with being loyal but where do you draw the line between right and wrong?  Don’t be the judge, jury and executioner!

Do you accept the flaws in others or sweat the small stuff?

Recent events during the last six months have inspired these questions.  What ever happen to people being loyal to themselves? Would you really go against your beliefs just because their might be a conflict of interest?  {think about it.}

I have never befriended anyone or ended a friendship without an explanation. { It’s simply not my style.}  I’ve had friends that at one point we were inseparable and these days we only talk several times a year. Sometimes you just grow apart, doesn’t mean that person is bad, just that their story is over.  Some people just come into your life for a quick lesson.  It’s just hard when people you thought cared turned out to be false friends.  These are the friendships that hurt the most when broken but you live and learn and you move on. I’ve learned I can’t expect much from anyone. People will disappoint you.

I have never asked a friend to jump on the ‘dislike’ train just because I’ve had an issue with a mutual friend.  I don’t believe in ‘blind loyalty’.  You make your own choices but before making any decisions know the facts.  It’s your conscious… Some people need a lesson in what constitutes ‘loyalty‘.  Are you willing to lose a good friend over another?

What happened to face-to-face communication these days? We rely so much on technology to make our ‘delivery‘ that sometimes the real meaning is lost and ‘perceived‘ in a different matter. How many times have you read something and have completely misread it? Sometimes words are uttered in anger, but once written you can’t take it back.  It’s right there in black and white.  Never reply when angry, your tone will be reflected in your writing.  I try not to reply to any messages if I am upset but I’m sure I have in the past.  I’m only human.  😉

If you are ever the receiver of a hurtful or nasty message, take a deep breath, read it at least three times, gather your thoughts then reply.  Keep calm and make sure your points are valid.  {easier said than done…} 

Don’t sweat the small insignificant things and always remember that everyone has flaws.  When in doubt, talk it out. 😉

I am happy because I love who I am. I love my flaws. I love my imperfections. They make me, me. And ‘me’ is pretty amazing!

I appreciate and value my true friends.  You know who you are.  Thank you.

Until tomorrow… Peace & Love xoxx