Every year for as long as I can remember I get this overwhelming feeling of sadness during my birthday. It’s hard to explain and much harder to put into words but I will try… I don’t recall ever having a traumatic experience during these days that would cause any sadness it’s just something that happens. I feel the most alone during this time of year. It’s hard to believe that being married, surrounded by love and great friends I feel empty. Perhaps it just me reflecting back on the last 12 months of my life. Thinking about the what if’s, the why’s, the what don’ts…etc. I’m simply lost in thought.
This year I thought it would be different. I was in Vegas, living it up and having a great time — why would I get sad, I asked myself. Well, that day arrived (December 16th), I woke up fine but then that feeling of emptiness filled within me. I was sad and what made it worse was not receiving that one special call I was waiting for. My head went into overdrive. I was hurt & angry – There was no excuse but I chose not let one person ruin my day. I wiped the tears and put on a smile. Sometimes the ones you love hurt you the most. Why!? Why!? Why!?
I still feel like my head is still on overdrive… over thinking, thinking, thinking & over thinking some more. Today I was with a dear friend and he noticed something was wrong. “Why so blue, Melissa?”, he asked. That awkward moment when they ask you what’s wrong and you get a knot in your throat. I was looking at him and screaming but the words were not flowing out of my mouth. I felt like I was in a crowded roomscreaming and no one hears a thing. (Thanks Katy Perry) All I could say was that I was O.K. I was clearly lying. I’m not o.k. but sometimes it’s ok not to be, right!? Does that make any sense? Regardless of how I was feeling, my dear friend manages to make me smile and forget about it all and for that I am truly grateful. blah blah blah
I’m just scared to death that things will change. (only one person will understand.)
Enough babble for today… I’m not so good at sharing my personal life. I hope you didn’t have to hit snooze while reading this.. HA!
Here’s another quick blog from Terminal D as I anxiously await my flight back home to Miami. What can I say about Vegas, It’s Vegas. A city that never sleeps and is so full of life. There is never a dull moment – the weather was in the 40’s and the girls were half-naked, walking in 6 inch heels and falling over. NOT CLASSY LADIES. The street acts were hilarious and what was even more disturbing was watching a man jump into the fountain at Caesars fishing for coins. My husband and I just looked at each other and shook our heads. We were shocked…
Well it was my birthday yesterday – it was a day full of mixed emotions. I was happy to be in Vegas but there was one person I was hoping to have a received a special call from and didn’t get anything – not even a msg. I was hurt but I didn’t let that get me down. Oh come on it’s MY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME…. 😉 I was going to have fun regardless — there are always lesson to learn. Not much has changed since my last birthday.
The ones you love still disappoint you.
Friends come and go.
Letting go isn’t easy.
I have no regrets. I live my life to the fullest every single day. I am grateful and so blessed to love and be loved in return.
I’ll continue my rant a little later – I need to unplug and board….
See you soon Miami.
A special thanks to all those people who send me warm thought wishes. Much love.
It’s quite amazing the moments and places that I seem to get inspired to open the laptop and babble. Wait a minute – perhaps its the fact that I’m waiting in Terminal D awaiting my flight to LAS VEGAS! I’m not going to lie, I’m super excited. Oh come on it’s LAS VEGAS – a city full of vibrance and full of life. Who wouldn’t be excited!? Looking forward to hitting the clubs, having a few drinks and of course trying my luck at the slots. Did I mention it’s also my birthday weekend… PARTY PARTY!