Taking a little time travel…

I can’t believe I wrote my first blog in November 2011. Yes, 2011, it’s been almost three years. That’s just insane. I’ve spent a few hours today re-reading and reliving the emotions of my blogs. I came across a few that I immediately thought “What was I thinking?” and others brought tears to my eyes. I felt like I was writing them for the first time all over again. I even wrote two short stories: Amor {Love} Chapter I – Chapter IV ; Obsession Part I – Part V.  I’m very proud of myself for writing those stories, I hit some writers block along the way but I was able to over come the mental block and finish them. I even considered rewriting the ending of Obsession, due to harsh criticism but I’m happy I did not. Perhaps, the next stories will be better, you’ll have to wait and read.

I noticed there are gaps in between months as I scrolled down and then I realized that during the most important time of my life, I didn’t write my experiences and feelings during my pregnancy.  I remember going through so many emotions, up and down.  It was the most amazing and beautiful time of my life.  I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about it.  That’s my cue to stop…

Until next time…Ciao

 

 

Simply trying…

Trying to get back into the groove of daily writing being a new mom is proving to be a little difficult. Some days, it feels like my mornings are my nights and my nights are my mornings. Can someone please tell my son there is a difference! No wonder, the first advice given to me by everyone was, “SLEEP WHEN HE SLEEPS.” Oh believe me, It’s easier said then done but I try my best.  It’s only been 8 weeks since I gave birth so I am still adjusting to all the changes. It’s definitely not easy but well worth it.

It’s this moment…

photo-7I am totally in love with my son. I love looking into his big eyes. I love hearing his goos and gahs. I love seeing him smile.  I also love when he puts his sad face.  He is adorable.

photo-8My little big guy has my heart.

Simply trying…Until next time.

Ciao

Sticky situation…

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. What to do? What to do? You see, I read a letter today that instantly provoked a million thoughts. My dilemma now is that I can’t write about it because my friend said it was off-limits. Seriously? Why not!? It’s my opinion and thoughts anyways, right!?  Should I respect his feelings?  I am amused but at the same time really annoyed.

I knew the day I decided to start writing that I would encounter these sticky situations. I just never thought it would be so often. It’s not the first time I’ve been asked not to rant about something.  I shouldn’t be limited or limit myself to anything I write, right!? 

I like to write on my terms and not when people say it’s O.K.  I will respect my friend’s wishes this one time only because I promised myself that I wasn’t going to hold back anymore.  Enough is enough!

What are your thoughts?

Until next time.. Ciao

I’m back, where do I begin now?

It’s been six months since my last posting.  Where do I even begin? ::sigh:: The dust bunnies have had their fun long enough, it’s now time to clean house.

I’m not going to bore you with all the details (for now) of everything that has happened during these months but the one thing I can share with great happiness is that I am expecting my first child. 🙂 There are no words to describe my feelings.  We are beyond overjoyed. Can you believe it, six months and counting…  #pregnantandhappy

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In the meantime, I am looking forward to catching up with all the freshly pressed blogs and see what people are saying these days.  I feel so lost to be honest, but I will definitely pace myself and try to get back into the grove of things.  Wish me luck!

Until next time.. Ciao

Heart broken…

It been months since I publish anything but every so often I get inspired to write a few words but then save it in my draft folder.  It gets locked away in the vault of feelings and emotions that were felt but never spilled.

On March 24th, 2013 at 4:53pm I wrote the following:

It’s been a tough day to say to the least. I feel like my heart shattered into a million pieces. As I sat there and listened to what he was saying, I could not believe my ears. With every word uttered, a piece of my heart broke off, by the end of the conversation I was left feeling empty. It’s sad when you hear things about your life from a third-party.  I know I shouldn’t believe everything I hear but the person who told me has nothing to gain by lying to me and I know the source.  It’s not the first time I hear those things, it just hurts more every time.

It breaks my heart just re-reading my words.  I guess you don’t need water to feel like you’re drowning.  Something to think about…

What do you fear?

I’ve never really thought about my fears. Who does? I’ve always figured I would comfort them head on when the time came.  Today, I’m having an internal battle with my emotions about the one thing I fear the most. My heart. Perhaps, I should have been listening.

chickencrowd

Fear, what is fear!?  It’s simply a natural human emotion programmed in all of us as an instinct to potential danger.   Is my heart in danger of breaking?  What’s wrong with me!?

I’ve decided that all I can do is ride this wave of emotions and see where it takes me.  I can’t help but over think every little detail and knowing that over thinking causes only negative thoughts I’m upset at myself.  Why am I allowing the demons in my head to fill will me with fear?  I guess, I just have to trust that everything will work out for the best and if it’s meant to be it will be.  There is nothing more I can say because sometimes words are not enough.

Another draft just sitting in the vault of lost emotions: February 15, 2013 at 2:10pm.

A simple letter…

My dearest,bluebird_with_love_letter_postcard-p239946598323051948en8sh_325

I don’t know why it’s so hard to talk to you.  I don’t know why I fear your thoughts.  I don’t know why I get a knot in my throat when you ask about my feelings. I don’t know why you make me question everything. I don’t know why you make me happy, sad, and angry – sometimes all at once.  I don’t know why you love me.  I don’t know why I love you.  I don’t know if you’re a blessing or a lesson.  What I do know is that I wouldn’t change you for the world.

I belong with you, you belong with me
You’re my sweetheart
I belong with you, you belong with me
You’re my sweetheart

With love always,

Peace & Love xox

QUIET!

How do you write about something without revealing or saying too much? Is that even possible!? Yes, no, maybe!? Hello, anyone? Out of respect, I have chosen to stay mum hence turning my noise into silence.  I’m not good at keeping quiet when I want to express my thoughts, feelings and opinions. Has this happen to you? What do you do?

propaganda_quiet

It’s not easy if you ask me (biting my tongue), perhaps that’s the reason some people don’t talk to me; out of fear that I will write about their issues. Why not? You are not alone, everyone has or is going through the same and/or similar struggle, I’m just the voice who wants to share her opinion. Maybe later I will write about it but for now…

Knowing what I know, I will not betray my friends wishes.  In this case, silence is golden.

Until later…

Peace & Love xoxo

Mixed emotions

I was scrolling through my drafts and found a rant that I never published. As I read it, it brought back those mixed emotions.  Here, then, it was I wrote several weeks ago… 😦

Today’s rant is filled with mixed emotions.  Despite the lack of sleep, I actually woke up with a pep in my step.  I was looking forward to a very productive day but then something happened.  It’s quite amazing how the mind works.  One moment you’re fine and the next you’re not.  In an instant my head was flooded with these thoughts.

  • I wish I could rewind time and change a few things.
  • It’s a sad world when you can’t post a picture of you and your spouse having a good time without being judged and criticized.
  • That moment when you realize that you really don’t matter – you are there only for one reason.
  • Those moments of impact that hit you when you least expect it.
  • That moment when you’re not angry anymore just disappointed in the ones you love.
  • Why can’t people mind their own business?
  • Why do people talk shit only to stay in the same situation?
  • I wonder if I were gone, who would truly miss me.

As I sit here and look over what I just wrote, I can’t help but wonder why. I read my thoughts out loud and answered them but there is something missing. I’m not the fill the glass type of woman. I say what I feel when I have too. Has this ever happened to you?

Wowsers, did I actually write that? It’s quite amazing that in an instant you can think of so many things and be completely lost in them.  I’m trying to remember what happened that day that I went from being happy to sad in a matter of seconds.  Perhaps it was a conversation I was having with a good friend.  He never seems to surprise me with the things he does and says.  I’m only assuming, I honestly don’t remember but after reading my words out loud I think I have a pretty good idea.  No need to re-hash old feelings, it is what it is.  Life goes on and you live and learn.

Does this ever happen to you?

Until later..

Peace & Love xox

What I learned…

One year ago today, I decided to start a blog. Why not!? I wanted to get in the habit of writing daily — even if it was just a few words. (shhh… I want to write a book.)  What better method than a quick daily rant on a blog to get me going. Right!? :sigh: These are a few of the things I learned along the way.

1. I learned that easy writing doesn’t come so easily.

During the first few months, I wrote daily and always had something to say but as the months passed and the days turned into weeks I found it more difficult to sit down and write a simple fifty words.  It wasn’t as easy as I thought (I ran out of topics – perhaps?), I started to put this enormous pressure on myself which resulted in severe writers block.  I was discouraged.  I felt angry and disappointed in myself.  It wasn’t until I took a step back, way-back, cleared my mind, that I realized that it was O.K. not to be O.K.  It wasn’t the end of the world.  So now, when I feel inspired I take the time and I rant but if not it’s O.K. – Tomorrow is another day.

2. I learned to accept good and bad criticism. This was very difficult – I do have thick skin but it hurt like hell to hear the negative comments from the ones you love.  Yikes!

3. I learned that people don’t like when you write about their issues.  Sorry, if you struck a nerve I will definitely speak my mind.  I promise that I will be gentle but remember it’s my opinion.  Be happy – you inspired a blog. HA!

4. I learned that a blog is simply a conversation written out.  😉

5. I learned that I have a unique style of writing.

Last but not least…

6. I learned that I still have a lot to learn.  Writing and blogging is a learning process.

I am proud to say that since November 01, 2011 – I have posted 186 blogs. It’s not a years worth but I am proud of myself. {high-five} Will you stay on this journey with me? I still have so much more to say… :wink wink:

Peace & Love xox