I’m seriously lacking some motivation these days to keep my workouts going. I’ve been going to the gym on and off for several months, simply because it’s my me time and I’m sweating out my daily stress but lately I feel like I’m sabotaging myself.  I can’t understand why I’m not motivated.  I’m far from being at my goal weight and once I reach it, I know have to work even harder to strengthen and tone.

Sometime last week I was thinking to myself that I should consider getting a personal trainer.  The funny thing is that two days after, a trainer approached me at the gym and asked if he could train me for a bit.  I said, “yes”. Why not!?  Once he explained a few things, we started – I was mortified and embarrassed.  All I could do was look at myself in the mirror with disgust and think, “This guy is probably thinking, how disgusting, what a cow.”  All those thoughts were flooding my head but I didn’t stop, I pushed through as much as I could before I felt nausea – a sign of fatigue.  I rested for a bit and then continued then felt nausea again..well you know. I just wanted to close to my eyes and not look at myself but I didn’t and looked at every inch of me that was screaming to be toned. The trainer then stretched me out and gave me a massage which felt great considering the fact that I hate massages but I definitely needed it.  I could not believe how tense and tight my body was.  Afterwards, I felt like everything was aligned, it was a good feeling.  Now, I have to decide, appointment is set.

I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling today.  I feel like a loser if that makes any sense.  I will not be discouraged and I will fight through whatever demons are in my head.  I need to, I want to, reach my goal – not for you, not for him, but for ME and only ME.  Why is it, that I can encourage and motivate others when needed but when it comes to me, I completely shut down?  I’m annoyed, frustrated, and disappointed in myself.

Note to self: You are beautiful just the way you are but you can improve and change what you don’t like. Keep moving forward and you will see the results you want. Never give up!!

What motivates you?

I have a friend who recently changed his life style for the better and I saw a picture of a man’s upper body, lean and fit and for a second I thought it was him. I sent my friend the picture and he called me and said, “Wow, I thought that was me, thank you, I’m so motivated now to get to my goal.” What!? Was he serious, he was now super excited to get to the gym and work on his chest.  It’s amazing what inspires others. My friend, I wish you nothing but success on your new goals.

Looking for those words of encouragement and motivation to keep me going.


Note to self: “Nothing great is ever accomplished without a few obstacles.  Just keep going.” 

Peace & Love xo


Feelings of disgust…

It’s a sad day when I feel completely disgusted with myself.  You see, I haven’t been feeling good lately.  I’m tired and sluggish in complete blah mode internally.  At first, I thought it was lack of vitamins — I started taking a multi vitamin but continued to feel the same way.  Then it hit me like a tons of bricks.  I stepped on a scale for the first time in weeks and I cried (literally).  I could not believe that I had left myself go.  I had surpassed my limit and this was the reason I was feeling tired and sluggish.   Those late night dinners, desserts and cocktails have finally caught up too me.  #nothappy

Dare to soar – how successful you are is determined by your attitude.

I am disappointed and disgusted in myself which is not a good combo of emotions to have.  Two years ago I lost a significant amount of weight (for me) and I vowed that I was never going to gain it back.  I haven’t gained all the weight back, thank goodness but just enough to make me sick to my stomach.  There is no one to blame except for myself.  You want to know what the saddest part is, I never saw myself with thin eyes when I was at my thinnest, I always saw myself large. (Big Girl mentality.)  For those who know me, you might think I’m insane but that’s how I feel.

Getting back on track and back to my old routine will be difficult but not impossible.  I will strive for progress, not perfection! I’m setting new goals for myself.  Keyword:ME

Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up?

Didn’t mean to bore you with my thoughts but I needed to vent and what better way than to write.  This is my reminder!

Despite it all, I love myself the way I am. #truth.

Note to self: Keep Calm, these feelings too shall pass. 😉

Peace & Love xox