When to let go…

How do you walk away from someone you love whether it’s a friend, spouse, or lover? I honestly don’t know. It’s definitely not easy that’s for sure. God knows I’ve tried.  There is nothing worse than being hurt by the one person you never thought would hurt you.  There are no words to describe the pain and heartache I’ve experienced because of the actions of one person.  I felt lost and alone. It was horrible but that was then, now things are a little different. I’m just taking it one day at a time…

images

All I know is that I will never allow anyone to make me feel that pain again. With every tear shed, I’ve gotten stronger and stronger.  Sometimes you just have to let go and love certain people from a distance.  It doesn’t mean that person is bad, it’s just that their story has to come to an end and they no longer serve any purpose in your life.  It’s not easy saying good-bye but sometimes you just have too. I learned the hard way and  I’m still learning lessons.

Perhaps we expect to much from the people we love.  Note to self: Expectations lead to disappointments!  

Until next time… Ciao

Sticky situation…

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. What to do? What to do? You see, I read a letter today that instantly provoked a million thoughts. My dilemma now is that I can’t write about it because my friend said it was off-limits. Seriously? Why not!? It’s my opinion and thoughts anyways, right!?  Should I respect his feelings?  I am amused but at the same time really annoyed.

I knew the day I decided to start writing that I would encounter these sticky situations. I just never thought it would be so often. It’s not the first time I’ve been asked not to rant about something.  I shouldn’t be limited or limit myself to anything I write, right!? 

I like to write on my terms and not when people say it’s O.K.  I will respect my friend’s wishes this one time only because I promised myself that I wasn’t going to hold back anymore.  Enough is enough!

What are your thoughts?

Until next time.. Ciao

I’m back, where do I begin now?

It’s been six months since my last posting.  Where do I even begin? ::sigh:: The dust bunnies have had their fun long enough, it’s now time to clean house.

I’m not going to bore you with all the details (for now) of everything that has happened during these months but the one thing I can share with great happiness is that I am expecting my first child. 🙂 There are no words to describe my feelings.  We are beyond overjoyed. Can you believe it, six months and counting…  #pregnantandhappy

20130928-213900.jpg

In the meantime, I am looking forward to catching up with all the freshly pressed blogs and see what people are saying these days.  I feel so lost to be honest, but I will definitely pace myself and try to get back into the grove of things.  Wish me luck!

Until next time.. Ciao

Me, myself, and I.

Today, I spent the day with me, myself, and I and it felt great.  What better company than the company of “oneself”.  It was a care free day with no worries, just me – lost in my thoughts as I drove and took in all the beautiful things around me.  It’s quite amazing what you can see when you just open your eyes…

me, myself

I will never understand why some people don’t like being alone with themselves from time to time. Why not? Have you ever taken a day just for yourself to take a walk on the beach, lay under a tree, or pick flowers? Anything!? Try it, you will love spending time with yourself.  What will you discover? Find out for yourself…

“In oneself lies the whole world and if you know how to look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand. Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open, except yourself.”

&& what a fascinating world it is…take the time and you will discover what’s hidden deep inside.

Until later…

Peace & Love

Sad day.

My thoughts and prayers are with ALL in Boston today. Another senseless act of terror was committed and it’s heart breaking.  When will we be able to come together as one and be at peace? I fear for my niece, nephews, god child, and the children of my loved ones and friends.  They are growing up in a world full of anger and hate.  Why, why why!?  I fear of what’s to come if things don’t change.

I pray for a world full of love and laughter.

I pray for a world with no judgements.

I pray for a world with no hate.

I pray for a world where you are accepted regardless of color or race.

I pray for a world where we ALL can get along.

I shall not live in fear thinking about these senseless acts of terror nor should anyone else.  Live your life to the fullest.  Be kind to everyone you meet.  Be less judging and more accepting.  Don’t hate. Fill your heart with love. Forgive and forget. Life is too short.

It’s a sad day…

My prayers are with all in Boston.

Doubt

I’ve learned that when something is eating me up inside that I have to face the issue head on. It’s not always the easiest questions to ask but I rather ask then stay with doubt. Doubt ruins everything…wouldn’t you agree?

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.

Today, I asked a dear friend some tough questions, I just needed to look into his eyes and get his reaction. It wasn’t easy, to be honest. I didn’t think about the consequences of knowing the truth. I didn’t care. I just needed to know even if that meant having my heart-broken. I rather be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie because the truth hurts only once but a lie every time you remember it.

There is no room in my garden of orchids, for seeds of doubt.

Peace & Love xox

Heart broken…

It been months since I publish anything but every so often I get inspired to write a few words but then save it in my draft folder.  It gets locked away in the vault of feelings and emotions that were felt but never spilled.

On March 24th, 2013 at 4:53pm I wrote the following:

It’s been a tough day to say to the least. I feel like my heart shattered into a million pieces. As I sat there and listened to what he was saying, I could not believe my ears. With every word uttered, a piece of my heart broke off, by the end of the conversation I was left feeling empty. It’s sad when you hear things about your life from a third-party.  I know I shouldn’t believe everything I hear but the person who told me has nothing to gain by lying to me and I know the source.  It’s not the first time I hear those things, it just hurts more every time.

It breaks my heart just re-reading my words.  I guess you don’t need water to feel like you’re drowning.  Something to think about…

What do you fear?

I’ve never really thought about my fears. Who does? I’ve always figured I would comfort them head on when the time came.  Today, I’m having an internal battle with my emotions about the one thing I fear the most. My heart. Perhaps, I should have been listening.

chickencrowd

Fear, what is fear!?  It’s simply a natural human emotion programmed in all of us as an instinct to potential danger.   Is my heart in danger of breaking?  What’s wrong with me!?

I’ve decided that all I can do is ride this wave of emotions and see where it takes me.  I can’t help but over think every little detail and knowing that over thinking causes only negative thoughts I’m upset at myself.  Why am I allowing the demons in my head to fill will me with fear?  I guess, I just have to trust that everything will work out for the best and if it’s meant to be it will be.  There is nothing more I can say because sometimes words are not enough.

Another draft just sitting in the vault of lost emotions: February 15, 2013 at 2:10pm.

The difference

The difference between you and me.

When I have time.
You have plans.
When you have time.
I have plans but usually make the time.

It’s the little things that matter most.
Not the splendid gifts and lavish lunches.
It’s the moments that are unplanned.
The moments that I don’t have to ask for your time.

It’s those moments… if only you could see.

Motivation

I’m seriously lacking some motivation these days to keep my workouts going. I’ve been going to the gym on and off for several months, simply because it’s my me time and I’m sweating out my daily stress but lately I feel like I’m sabotaging myself.  I can’t understand why I’m not motivated.  I’m far from being at my goal weight and once I reach it, I know have to work even harder to strengthen and tone.

Sometime last week I was thinking to myself that I should consider getting a personal trainer.  The funny thing is that two days after, a trainer approached me at the gym and asked if he could train me for a bit.  I said, “yes”. Why not!?  Once he explained a few things, we started – I was mortified and embarrassed.  All I could do was look at myself in the mirror with disgust and think, “This guy is probably thinking, how disgusting, what a cow.”  All those thoughts were flooding my head but I didn’t stop, I pushed through as much as I could before I felt nausea – a sign of fatigue.  I rested for a bit and then continued then felt nausea again..well you know. I just wanted to close to my eyes and not look at myself but I didn’t and looked at every inch of me that was screaming to be toned. The trainer then stretched me out and gave me a massage which felt great considering the fact that I hate massages but I definitely needed it.  I could not believe how tense and tight my body was.  Afterwards, I felt like everything was aligned, it was a good feeling.  Now, I have to decide, appointment is set.

I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling today.  I feel like a loser if that makes any sense.  I will not be discouraged and I will fight through whatever demons are in my head.  I need to, I want to, reach my goal – not for you, not for him, but for ME and only ME.  Why is it, that I can encourage and motivate others when needed but when it comes to me, I completely shut down?  I’m annoyed, frustrated, and disappointed in myself.

Note to self: You are beautiful just the way you are but you can improve and change what you don’t like. Keep moving forward and you will see the results you want. Never give up!!

What motivates you?

I have a friend who recently changed his life style for the better and I saw a picture of a man’s upper body, lean and fit and for a second I thought it was him. I sent my friend the picture and he called me and said, “Wow, I thought that was me, thank you, I’m so motivated now to get to my goal.” What!? Was he serious, he was now super excited to get to the gym and work on his chest.  It’s amazing what inspires others. My friend, I wish you nothing but success on your new goals.

Looking for those words of encouragement and motivation to keep me going.

Motivational-Fitness-Workout-Quotes-61

Note to self: “Nothing great is ever accomplished without a few obstacles.  Just keep going.” 

Peace & Love xo